Addiction
September 7, 2021
Watching your child struggle with motivation during early adulthood can be one of the most frustrating experiences for parents. The transition from teenager to independent adult doesn’t always follow the timeline or path we expect. Here’s a breakdown of what causes a lack of motivation and how to motivate an unmotivated young adult.
Individuals aged 18-29 go through a developmental stage experts like to call “emerging adulthood.” This critical period is a time of exploration, identity formation, and increasing independence. However, for many young adults, this transition into adulthood can feel unfamiliar and overwhelming, sometimes even affecting a young adult’s motivation.
Young adults today face an overwhelming number of challenges all at once. They’re trying to:
With so many major life decisions happening simultaneously, it’s not surprising that many young adults experience decision fatigue. In other words, the more decisions they have to make, the more energy their brain burns through, and once this energy is depleted, a young adult may not have the mental capacity to stay motivated.
Research also shows men and women handle stressors differently. Men tend to emotionally detach and struggle silently, while women experience more visible distress but are better at asking for help. This disparity could explain why a young man might seem unmotivated when he’s actually using the only coping mechanism he knows.
The prefrontal cortex is a brain region that’s responsible for impulse control, emotional regulation, decision making, and long-term planning; however, it doesn’t stop developing until our mid-20’s. This could contribute to inconsistent or non-existent motivation in a young adult.
For example, when a young adult shows bursts of ambition followed by periods of apathy, it’s often reflecting their brain’s developmental stage rather than character flaws. Their prefrontal cortex is similar to a computer operating with partial software updates. Sometimes it runs smoothly, and other times, it crashes unexpectedly. This neurological immaturity affects motivation by making it harder to maintain focus on long-term goals when faced with immediate distractions or emotional setbacks.
Many young adults find themselves face-to-face with external social pressures that affect their motivation. As humans, we naturally want to belong and meet the expectations others have of us.
Expectations are good in that they can motivate us to work toward our goals; however, if they’re too high, they can make a young adult feel pressured and less motivated. If they’re too low, they can lead to apathy. Either paralyzed by impossible standards or disengaged because too little is expected of them, many unmotivated young adults are caught in this trap.
Economic challenges make things even harder. Today’s young adults face financial obstacles their parents didn’t:
Not just inconveniences, these are roadblocks to traditional life goals and opportunities. Studies show nearly 25% of Gen Z workers don’t expect to ever retire, and 59% believe they’ll never own a home. When young adults start to question the point of full-time jobs that can’t cover basic expenses, they’re not being entitled. They’re expressing legitimate doubts about whether working hard truly pays off in today’s economy, which may explain why so many young adults seem unmotivated, working towards dreams that are nearly impossible to reach.
Supporting an unmotivated young adult requires patience, understanding, and a willingness to step back from traditional parenting strategies. While it’s natural to want to take charge and provide solutions, this isn’t helpful for young adults who need to develop their own sense of purpose and direction. The following tips can help you create an environment where motivation can grow naturally without forcing it.
When your young adult seems stuck, your first instinct might be to jump in with solutions or express frustration. Instead, try just listening without judgment. Create space for them to express their fears, doubts, and confusion without immediately trying to fix things.
Ask open-ended questions like “What’s been on your mind lately?” or “What parts of your situation feel most challenging right now?” Then truly listen to understand, not to respond. This validation can reduce their defensiveness and open the door to more productive conversations about motivation.
Even the best advice falls flat when someone isn’t ready to hear it. Before sharing your insight or suggestions, ask questions like “Would you like some thoughts on that?” or “Can I offer a perspective that might help?” This shows respect for their autonomy and increases the changes they’ll actually consider your input.
Young adults typically need to feel ownership over their decisions to stay motivated. By making their own choices (even imperfect ones), they build confidence and momentum.
Many unmotivated young adults aren’t clear about what truly matters to them versus what others expect. Help them explore their core values by asking thoughtful questions about what gives them satisfaction, what they’d do if money weren’t a concern, or what issues make them feel passionate.
Avoid imposing your values, and instead create a judgment-free zone where they can discover what genuinely drives them. When young adults connect their actions to personal values, motivation becomes more internal and sustainable than when they’re just checking boxes on someone else’s list.
Staying motivated starts with small wins. Help your young adult identify one achievable goal that matters to them. This could be applying for one job this week, researching a training program, or adding one healthy habit to their routine. Once a goal is met, be sure to celebrate the win with your young adult as this can boost confidence.
Small wins also teach an important lesson about progress: it rarely happens in a straight line. When your young adult faces setbacks, having a history of small successes reminds them they can overcome challenges. This shows them that moving forward, even slowly, creates purpose and meaning when the bigger picture feels overwhelming.
Your vision for your child’s life may be well-intentioned, but imposing it can backfire. Instead, get curious about their authentic interests and aspirations, even if they’re different from what you imagined.
Supporting their authentic path can unlock motivation that no amount of pushing toward your preferred direction can achieve. True motivation thrives when young adults go after goals that are aligned with their own values and interests.
At Ethos Recovery, we understand the struggles that young men face as they transition into adulthood, which is why we offer specialized support to help them rebuild motivation from the ground up. Our structured sober living program provides the accountability and independence that young men need to rediscover their potential. If your son needs professional support, contact Ethos Recovery today to learn how we can help.
The Danger of Expectations: How They Shape Our Lives - Psychology Today
Economic Milestones: A Generation Deferred? - Junior Achievement of Greater Washington